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Sunday, October 21, 2012

Water under the bridge

I make myself laugh sometimes..... well, a lot really, I really do just kind of laugh out loud randomly for something that maybe I should have said or remember saying.... but I mean it in a different way today.....  It has been SO long since I blogged and it really wan't because of how busy I was.  I could have made time.  It was really because in my mind the last blog I posted was really emotional and was a "poor me" story.  I was feeling insecure and embarrassed about what I wrote.  What I remembered was the hurt I was feeling at the time.  I had been deeply hurt by people I considered to be close friends, and for some reason I thought that my post revealed those deep feelings.  What was actually posted was nothing like that.... (laughing)  I seriously was avoiding writing more because I knew if I posted anything that people could go back to it..... (laughing) I can be so silly.... What I see in that post was a confidence that things would be better.  A confidence in what I strive for my life to look like even when I mess up or when friends decide that maybe they'd rather not be friends.  What I see in that post is that time really does heal all wounds and that how we react to a situation is SO important.  I did not say what I WANTED to say back then, but now I know that I AM GLAD I DIDN'T!!!  I am quite emotional, and thankfully to all involved, I really have learned to not say exactly what I am thinking all the time.  I have learned a lot about myself since that last post.... I have learned valuable lessons about trust and about choosing carefully those I give my heart to.  So, maybe I will dust off the blog and get back to it.  Learning lessons in relationships is a difficult thing to so.... I assure you that my "list" of things I grimace at myself for is so very long.  Those moments of "WHY did I do that?"  "WHY did I say that?"  I know this, I treasure now more than ever those friends that know my heart and forgive me when I get stupid. 

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