My girl is 10!

I am not quite sure it has hit me that my girl turned 10 this week!  Why is it that people have told me for 10 years now that I better not blink because time is going to fly by!  I do my best to savor and enjoy watching her grow, but she is 10!!!  She is headed into her LAST year of elementary school in 2 months!

My first thoughts are that I can not possibly take credit for who she is.  How could I, so very full of gigantic weaknesses and screw ups, possibly have molded this little life.  But, I do know that she is so much like me.  Unfortunately, I see more of that in the way she storms down the hall and slams the door and the way she sends hate mail for me to find on the counter talking about how little compassion I have for her because I won't go get her feathers in her hair.  Little does she know, that hate mail only confirms the fact that I will NOT be running to the store to get her feathers in her hair.

When she calls me because she doesn't quite like spending the night away from home and as I watch her defend her baby brother at the ballpark, I know I must be doing something right.  I fear one day she might sit in a group talking about how her mother messed her up..... then she begs me to hold her while she falls asleep, and my confidence grows that she knows that I love her more than I words could even possibly describe.  All I want is for her to learn what kindness and compassion are.  I want her to be generous and loving.  I want her to be responsible and make wise choices.  I want her to be gentle and sweet.  I want her to be strong and confident.

I TRULY am at that point where I feel, "Oh if I knew then what I know now."  I admit, sometimes I parent out of my own fears and insecurities.  I sometimes parent in ways that I know will backfire.  I admit, I have a habit of asking my children if they are crazy...... or if they have lost their mind.  In my defense, they seriously act like they have lost their minds!!!!!

I don't want her to be like me in my worst quality..... I have to learn from mistakes rather than taking advice.  Oh as a young lady, if she would just listen...... she will eventually know that I mean what I say.  Just as I look at what my parents said and now believe every word.  okay maybe not EVERY word, but I don't expect Madison to believe everything I believe either.

I would like to say, "SHE'S 10!!!!  STOP!!!"  But, doesn't it feel like just a few months ago that she was 2???  I don't want to look up and she's 20..... so I worry.  And I constantly assess my parenting skills, and I constantly read parenting books, and I PRAY PRAY PRAY that I am making good decisions.  My beautiful girl will soon be another year older, and another year older.

And here she is...... my sweet girl

All made up for dance recital #1!

She is right in the middle

Sassy pants..... this is a number she did with Performing Company.